How LeBron James Can Save Face

 LeBron James had a chance to be the dude everybody loved. Instead he chose to go play with the Miami Heat featuring Dwyane Wade and some sucker name Bitch Posh. It's not so bad that he chose to switch teams. It's how he did it, trying to be cute on smug, braincell killing interviews with Larry King and Jim Gray.

 Between his sideline boogie, indulgent commercials and grabs for off-court media attention, it has seemed like LeBron will do anything to be noticed and liked. Anything except the one thing we all want to see him do. 

 What should LeBron James do to save face and slow the hate? Participate in this year's slam dunk contest. 

 

 LeBron is one of the most outstanding dunkers in NBA history. His combination of size and power lead to rim rocking climaxes with more consistent fury than anyone before him. Yet he continues to shrink away from the biggest stage for all dunkers - the Slam Dunk contest. 

 During the off-season of 2009, he said he'd definitely be in the contest at All-Star break 2010. Instead he dipped his toes in the pool and skipped away like a timid, squealing 8 year old weakling. We were left with Nate Robinson claiming his third title in a forgettable night of dunks.

 Now is the time for LeBron to give back to the game which has made him a mega-millionaire by giving the fans what they want. Except it can't just be any slam dunk contest with guys like Birdman and Andre Iguodala. It's gotta be on some next level, everybody gotta watch, remember this night forever type competition.

 LeBron should challenge Blake Griffin, Dwight Howard and Nate Robinson to a showdown in this year's Slam Dunk contest at Kobe's gym, the Staples Center.

 Blake Griffin has been annihilating rims throughout his first month in the NBA. He dunks on people with zero remorse. He goes open court with it like a bigger, badder LeBron. And he always seems dazed afterward, like he's zoned out on dunk adrenaline. The rookie has crashed into the league with a vengeance. Who better to humble a wannabe king than Griffin? Or who better for a wannabe king to humble than a young buck like Blake?

 And then there's Superman himself, Dwight Howard. We know LeBron won't be getting an MVP award this year. Deep down, Dwight must want it to be his year. What better way to chip away at the reigning MVP than to knock him down at the Slam Dunk contest? As for LeBron, beating Howard would give him a win over the last truly stunning dunker in the contest. Dwight's Superman Slam put him in the stratosphere with Michael Jordan and Vince Carter. If LeBron can outdo Superman, how could we not start to forgive him for "The Decision"?

 

 Nate Robinson is the reigning champ and has won more Slam Dunk contests than any other player in NBA history. For LeBron to truly claim the crown, he must dethrone the champ. If Nate can beat Blake Griffin, Dwight Howard and LeBron James, he would be more than a novelty who won despite some suspect performances. He'd be the little guy who is the average man's hero. At 5'9", it's easier for us to want to be like Nate than giants like LeBron, Blake and Dwight. Nate's challenge is to be the all-time NBA David among the league's most powerful dunking Goliaths.

 Commissioner David Stern likes to throw wrinkles into the Slam Dunk contest - like guys have to do dunks based on past contest dunks or guys have to catch passes from teammates. This year, he should make it simple. Let's pay tribute to the greatest dunker of the late 90s, the last great leaping 2-guard. Vince Carter. Every dunker in this year's Slam Dunk contest has to do one of the dunks Vince Carter did when he won the dunk crown in 2000. 

 The judges - Kobe (Staples Center host), Vince Carter (of course), Michael Jordan (so he can hate on everyone and get booed for it), Dikembe Mutombo (just because he's mad cool and makes bugged out faces off good dunks) and Kenny Smith (TNT factor). 

 Let's make it happen. Start petitions. Tell your friends. Hit LeBron, Blake, Dwight and Nate up on twitter. We want to *witness* the Super Slam Dunk Contest of all time! Blake Griffin. Dwight Howard. Nate Robinson. LeBron James.

 

LeBron James: New Questions After Heat Debut

 What should I do? 

 Should I take over in the third quarter of every game when we only have 30 points at the half? 

 Should I find a team with a guard who can defend Rajon Rondo? I thought Wade could do it but I guess I was wrong.

 What should I do? 

 Should I demand a trade if Pat Riley isn't coaching the Heat by the All-Star break? 

 Should I tell Ilgauskas that I'm really sorry but we're going to have to trade him for a younger guy who can actually guard somebody in the paint? 

 Should I tell Chris Bosh that I have no intention of reliving my Antawn Jamison experience of softness in big games? 

 What should I do? What should I do?

 Should I stop trying to use turnovers as a triple double padding stat?

 Should I find a way to stop this losing streak I'm on? Maybe I should've played with Team USA last summer.

 Should I hire Slim Chin to spice up my ad?

  

 What should I do?

 Should I unleash a thirty point blowout on the Sixers tonight that makes Doug Collins wish he'd stayed in the announcers booth? 

 Should I keep being the winless player most of y'all want me to be?

 What should I do?

    

What I Want LeBron James To Be

 LeBron James asks a lot of questions in his latest Nike ad, "Rise". For a guy who recently made such a big decision, LeBron seems to have uncorked many more mysteries in the process. So I thought I'd offer answers and help him be a better NBA player.

 LBJ: What should I do? Should I admit that I've made mistakes?
 Mojo: Yes. It worked for Alex Rodriguez. He admitted he took steroids and boom! He became a World Series champion who no longer struggled on playoff stages. A good start would be speaking truthfully about why the Cavs never won a championship in the LeBron James era.

 LBJ: Should I tell you how much fun we (the Cavs) had?
 Mojo: Yes, tell us how much fun Cleveland was. What was it like joking around in the locker room while the Spurs were sweeping you out of the Finals in '07? And what about posing for all those faux pix while Kobe & Kevin Garnett were doing work on the way to championships? That looked like fun too. And what really happened in that Boston hotel with Delonte last year? He always seems like he's having fun to me.

 LBJ: Should I really believe I ruined my legacy?
 Mojo: Hell no. Brett Favre is ruining his legacy. Roger Clemens ruined his legacy. How can a legacy be ruined just by decisively switching teams and playing at a high level within the rules? Did Shaq ruin his legacy by signing with the Lakers? Did Steve Nash ruin his by signing with the Suns?

 LBJ: Should I have my tattoo removed?

 Mojo: Definitely not. Chris Anderson keeps raising the tattoo stakes, so now is not the time to laser ink away. A better idea would be a giant cover up of that "Chosen 1" cheese. How about something wicked like a full back piece skull? Or what about fulfilling the prophesy in the Virgosis and getting a giant Darth Vader mask tat?

 LBJ: Wanna see my shiny new shoes?

 Mojo: No. The "LeBron 8" is just as ugly as the rest of the LeBron Nikes. Kobe might be approaching Jordan status on the court, but MJ still owns all in sneakers. 

 LBJ: Should I tell you, "I am not a role model"?

 Mojo: Why would anyone follow in Charles Barkley's footsteps in any way? Why aspire to be like an underachieving bloated loser who caddies for people who abused him throughout his career? I bet jelly donuts taste better than that elbow sandwich Jordan served fat Chuck's grill.

 LBJ: Should I tell you I'm a championship chaser who did it for the money, ring? 

 Mojo: Yes! Championship chasing in Miami is much better than losing on a historically bad franchise like the Cavs with their asinine owner Dan Gilbert. 

 LBJ: Should I be who you want me to be?

 Mojo: Yes. Be a triple double averaging defensive beast who guards all 5 positions. A more athletic Magic Johnson meets a less suspended Dennis Rodman.

 LBJ: Should I accept my role as a villian?

 Mojo: Yes, but not a typical bad guy who dies in the end. We need a real villian that keeps coming back like Anton Chigurh, Jason and Freddy. Somebody whose methods tittilate some and terrify others. One thing though- real villians don't dance. So no more boogieing and rhyming during time outs.

 LBJ: Should I stop listening to my friends? 

 Mojo: Definitely keep listening to Warren Buffett. And if Oprah is a friend, listen to her too.

 LBJ: Should I try acting?

 Mojo: Try? You mean that jheri curl, spandex & headband ain't acting?

 LBJ: Should I make you laugh?

 Mojo: Yes! Start by channeling Joakim Noah and saying, "What's so good about Cleveland?" every time you beat the Cavs in their gym.

 LBJ: Should I read you a soulful poem?

 Mojo: No. Florida already has enough bad NBA wordsmiths with the poetry of J.J. Redick. A Dwight Howard styled children's album could be cool though. 

 LBJ: Should we just clear the decks and start over?

 Mojo: Well the Nets need a permanent home, a new arena and a fresh start but there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest in helping out Jay Z and Mike Prokhorov. Ruskies who "has opulence" can buy mini giraffes, but NBA talent is harder to come by. 

 LBJ: What should I do? Should I be who you want me to be?

 Mojo: If that includes a triple double in every game on the way to an Eastern Conference Semifinal playoff exit, then yes! Start off with a 30 point, 15 rebound, 10 assist loss tonight. 

Dwight Howard and the greatness of Hakeem Olajuwon

 While the Miami Heat have positioned themselves to be the team to beat in Florida, if not the NBA, 2 time Defensive Player of the Year Dwight Howard has been steadily working on increasing his defensive dominance and improve his offensive skills for the Orlando Magic. During the last NBA finals, Howard lived and trained with Hall of Fame center Hakeem Olajuwon. He will return to study with Obi-Wan Olajuwon before training camp begins next season.

 Here'a Dwight take on his experience with the Dream.

 "He made a comparison with a ninja and some other person who doesn't care who they kill, they just go out and do it."

 "Basically, what he was saying was I have to become a person that is not afraid to do anything on the floor. He said right now there's only certain parts of my game that I'm not afraid to do, but other parts I am. I have to be able to do all of those things. That's the biggest thing I took from him."

 "I just think he was watching and seeing me play for awhile. All the things we worked on, he was just wondering why I never used those things in a game. He saw all the things that I could do, and he was very impressed. He said that I cannot be afraid to do all these things."

 Hakeem Olajuwon. One of the most dominant players of all-time on both ends of the court. Yet somehow he's an almost forgotten afterthought when fans and the media look back on the NBA of the 80s and 90s.

  Usually, it's "Well, Magic did this," followed by "Yeah but Larry did that," and then "But Michael did it with the flu." 

 Respect to all those greats. Hakeem was arguably as good as MJ and Magic, and he was definitely better than Bird.

 Olajuwon was the most dominant center in an era of skilled big men. Battling the likes of Shaquille O'Neal, Patrick Ewing, David Robinson, Robert Parrish, Dikembe Mutombo and Alonzo Mourning, Olajuwon had the best post moves of any big man in history while feasting on the glass & leading the league in blocked shots.

 Though they never met in the finals, it's conceivable that Olajuwon's Rockets could've beaten Jordan's Bulls even if MJ hadn't chosen to waste time whiffing on minor league fastballs. 

 Olajuwon is the only player in NBA history to be named MVP, Defensive Player of the Year and Finals MVP all in the same season, 1994. He's a two time champion and Finals MVP.

 Hakeem's 3,830 blocks are the most in NBA history. Mutombo is 2nd, nearly 600 blocks behind. The closest active player is Shaq with 2,690. The closest player still playing 30+ mpg is Tim Duncan with 2,235. Dwight Howard only has 1,042 in six years. Hakeem's record will likely stand for decades and beyond.

 Olajuwon is 8th in all-time steals and points and 11th in all-time rebounds. Of NBA players since 1973 when blocks were first officially recorded, only Olajuwon, Jordan and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar appear in three top 10s. Olajuwon is the only player to appear in four top 11s.

 Last year, Kobe Bryant spent off-season time training with Olajuwon. "When you see videos of Hakeem's career, it looks easy," Kobe said. "But you miss the subtleties and the intricacies of the moves. That's why it was imperative for me to be able to talk to him, work with him. It's the details and the execution that make all the difference."

 Dwight Howard enters the season as the NBA's best center. After his sessions with Olajuwon, it's possible that he'll be the best all-around player in the NBA with an MVP trophy to back it up.

    

Free Kendrick Perkins

  Celtics's center Kendrick Perkins will be suspended if he gets one technical foul during the finals against the Lakers. If that happens, it will be the worst and most unnecessary suspension since Amar'e Stoudemire and Boris Diaw were suspended for taking a step off the Suns bench after Robert Horry hip-checked Steve Nash in 2007.

 The NBA allows players 7 technical fouls over the entire post-season before earning a one game suspension. Under the current rules, the players most likely to be punished are guys playing the most minutes for teams going deep in the playoffs. So on the biggest basketball stage at the most crucial time of the season, a player could be suspended for trivial matters that happened in April while battling a scrub.

In the case of Kendrick Perkins, his 6 technicals are the result of his clashes with Shaq and Dwight Howard, 2 of the most physical and borderline dirty centers in the NBA. He got another tech that should have been rescinded after Orlando's mediocre backup Marcin Gortat overreacted to an inadvertent elbow resulting in a double tech, aka a referee's cop-out. 

Perkins effectively battled and outlasted all of them. His reward is the baggage of 6 technicals, partially earned because of his disinterest in backing down and partially because the referees appear to have it in for him because of his stern-faced demeanor. 

On the way to the finals on a road lined with technical temptation, Perkins also received 6 stitches in his mouth from Shaq followed by subtle elbows and egregious hard fouls from Dwight Howard. 

"Every single guy in a uniform has a responsibility for us winning," said Celtics' coach Doc Rivers. "Perk is our defender. He's our offensive lineman. Never gets any credit, always in the trenches. Probably takes the most punishment of any player on our team and he just does his job."

Perkins said, "I think I'm the best defender in the post. All of it's mental with me. I just got finished dealing with Shaq and then it was Dwight. You've got to approach it with the right mind-set, because if you don't, you can get dominated.

"I'm just trying to make it tough on them. I'm not overreacting. If you make a shot on me and it's a tough shot, then I'm living with it."

Now Perkins will be faced with guarding Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol. Neither brings anywhere near the physicality or bruising play of Shaq or Dwight. Yet one wrong glance at a sensitive ref like Joey Crawford or Eddie Rush and Perkins could find himself suspended for a crucial finals game.

The technical foul rule should be changed. Even Lakers' coach Phil Jackson said so when he rejected the notion of intentionally going after Perkins to get another technical.

"I dont even like to think about those kind of things," Jackson said. "Those things I think should be wiped out. Flagrant fouls. Technical fouls. It just means the longer you've been in the playoffs, the more penalized you are. It seems like that's not a really good code right now."

He's right. The league needs to reset the technical and flagrant foul count at the start of each new playoff series for all players. A good start would be if a player gets 5 techs in one series, he's automatically suspended for a game, even if that game falls in the subsequent series. That would allow the best players to play their hardest when the fans want to see them at their best.

 Kendrick's test is to survive these finals with no suspensions while shutting down Bynum & Gasol. If he follows his coach's advice, he'll succeed.

"Doc always says that the bigger man walks away," Perkins said. "You've got to go out there and play basketball. You can't let guys get in your head. There's going to be a lot of things trying to distract you. You've just got to go out there and play Celtic ball."

David Stern and the NBA need to address and change the rule. For now, here's hoping Perkins isn't further penalized for surviving the dirty tactics of Shaq, Howard & Gortat.

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Tragic Magic: The Pros & Cons Of Orlando's Roster

Vince Carter - First time Conference Finalist. When his play was decent against Boston, Orlando lost anyway. When he played poorly, the team won. 

He's helpless on defense and clutchless on offense, and yet he's due $17.3 million next season. It's the last year of his contract, so maybe a team will trade for him halfway through the season as a roster/ salary cap move.  

I didn't think he would make the Magic the best team in the league, but I thought he was better than Hedo Turkoglu, who he basically replaced. The reality is that Carter was a step back from Orlando's roster with Turkoglu*. Vince proved me wrong.

Carter's defining career moment happened when he played on Spawn of Dream Team. He jumped over Frenchman Frederic Weis on a dunk that scared France's Weis from following through on his plans to play in the NBA. Not a Lithuanian, Russian or even Argentinian or Spaniard. A Frenchman. 

On his biggest real basketball stage against NBA champs like the Celtics, Carter missed clutch free throws, he had back to back 1-9 and 3-10 nights from the floor, and his defense was weak throughout. 

Half-man Half-Amazing is now Half-Inconsistent Half-Inefficient.

White Chocolate. This season, Jason Williams gave the Magic a boost from the erratic existence of Rafer Alston. He's the only Magic player who has an NBA ring. He's still got a nice jump shot and still has handles. 

Damn if he didn't look old on that hustle play by Rondo. At least he bounced right back after the game with this gem in the locker room. 

Williams is a free agent. Last year he made $1.3 million, tied for lowest on the Magic with never used reserve Adonal Foyle. Somebody will definitely pay more for partially aged White Chocolate. Orlando will likely let 3rd string vet Anthony Johnson go. They should pay Williams more and get a dirt cheap 3rd stringer. 

Matt Barnes. The best Kobe Stopper in the NBA right now. He can opt out of his $1.6 million contract this off-season. 

Barnes is a 30 year old defensive specialist. He's ready to enter the Bruce Bowen years of his career by finding that solid team that'll give him a multi-year deal and security in exchange for endless hustle and mayhem night after night. With Dwight Howard dominating the paint on defense, the Magic would do well to bring Barnes back to patrol the perimeter.

Dwight Howard. He's not superman, but he is the best center in the NBA. That's not saying that much considering that Shaq is a shell and Yao will be lucky to play 25 minutes a night for the rest of his career. Even so, Howard is the driving force for the Magic because of his dominant defense. 

The Magic need to do everything possible to assemble a team that exploits the defensive greatness of Dwight Howard. His powerful physical presence and borderline dirty play in the paint will take them further than relying on scoring from Rashard Lewis and Vince Carter. 

The main mistake Orlando should avoid this off-season is overpaying J.J. Redick. He played well at times against the Celtics, but he also made the bone headed play of the series in crunch time of game 2 by forgetting to call time out before advancing the ball. 

Redick is a quality guy off the bench, but that's about it. Besides, he's a Dukee and the only recent NBA ring any of Coach K's drones have won is Danny Ferry, master 12th man for the Spurs in 2003.

If Redick wants to break some team's bank, let him go with the cursed Clippers.

.

The Magic took a step back this season. But at least Dwight has another way to remember Nate besides this view.

    

*Thanx CJD02

Boston T Party - How Referees Eddie Rush & Joey Crawford Ruined Game 5

Howard: Yo Pietrus. Coach told you? The fix is on bruh. We headed to Boston for Game 6. Ref Troopers Joey Crawford & Eddie Rush are ready to Tase all them Leprechauns.

Pietrus: OK cuz it's about time we wrecked these fools. Yo do we need a 3rd guy to make this happen?

Barnes: Yeah, coach. I want in. I got a elbow for Pierce I've been dying to throw.

Van Gundy: Save it for Kobe in the next round. I think we've got this one under control.

Carter: No matter what happens, I want everyone to know that I had nothing to do with anything to help the Magic, OK? I'm just here collecting paychecks. I'm not trying to start trouble with anybody.

Garnett: I sense a disturbance in the logo, as if the Basketball Gods have been silenced by the minions of Czar Stern. I fear the Taser of Donaghy is in our midst. 

Daniels: I can't move. I see stars. I got horseface. What's happening to me? Tased? It can't be. Why Tase me in my only 3 minutes of action? Why?

Pierce: Ahhh! Aghh. Ouch! I think I got Tased too! Owie owie ow ow--- wait-- I'm OK. It's a miracle- again!!

Big Baby: Ooh I want a miracle too! Me me me! 

Crawford: The kid is losing it. Technical foul! Too much excitement over a miracle. Feel my Two Hand Taser Technique!

Big Baby: Uh... uh... buh.. uh.. that don't feel like no miracle... uh...buh...

Doc: Did ya'll have to Tase Big Baby?

Rush: It was either him or Jesus Shuttlesworth. You don't think we're trying to Tase Jesus do you?

Scalabrine: You know what time it is Pierce?

Pierce: Nope.

Scalabrine: It's Big Red to the rescue time. Dig?

Pierce: Nope.

KG: We out here battling Superman and the Czar all at the same time. 

I'm gettin' too old for this shit man. 

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Vote For Sheed

Hell no.

America does not need a wannabe superman grinning president. If he let Nate Robinson jump over him for a slam dunk title, what would he let Ahmadinejad do? 

What America needs is to legalize Sheed.

He's the best post-Michael Jordan Tar Heel.

He may not be the prototype or the best power forward, but he brings that lazy Sunday morning old dude playground killer factor that can put a team over the top.

He's the hip hop Robert Horry.

Vote for Sheed.

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Dwight Howard Bitches, But He's Moving On!!!

Dwight Howard has broken the first rule of DPOY Club- "Don't foul out on cheap calls and then bitch about it." His poor techniques have led his teammates to call him "Foul on You." In round one, he committed 22 fouls in 4 games against the Bobcats who don't have a truly dominant low post threat on either end of the court.

Howard gets boards and blocks. He is a force in the paint with great size and strength.

"My teammates say when we wrestle I shouldn't use 100 percent of my strength," he said before game 4. "They said I should use 50 or 40 percent. So that's been the main focus, using 40 percent of my strength to hold guys off." He fouled out anyway.

Yesterday Howard was fined $35,000 in David Stern's new "Don't Dis My Refs" campaign which is steadily approaching it's goal of raising a million dollars during the playoffs. Howard was thoughtful enough to put his complaints in his blog instead of using the mainstream media, but Czar Stern zapped him anyway.

In his blog entry called "More frustration, but we're moving on!!!" Howard wrote, "I'm not looking to say anything to get myself in trouble with the league, but I just don't see other star players getting called for fouls the way I get them. No star player in the league is outta games the way I am. I even talked to Pat Ewing about his career and he said he never had foul trouble like what I'm going through." That's because Patrick had skills getting positioning in the paint and boxing out. Ditto Shaq, Tim Duncan and any other "star player" big man.

Bitching about the refs after winning a four game sweep is weak. A DPOY bitching about ticky tack calls night after night is dubious. Magic coach Stan Van Gundy complained that Howard wasn't being seriously considered for MVP. Please. How about Dwight Howard, Whiner Of The Year.

    

Morph Man - with Carmelo, Dwight Howard & Stephen Jackson

Slick Jackson

Carmelo Geordi

Hankey Howard