Michael Jordan Hates LeBron James - video

 (Editor's note: Mojo Hoops is aware that the Jordan ad is not authorized by Michael Jordan. Since MJ criticized LeBron's Decision, it's fun to have fun at his expense anyway.)

 Michael Jordan has publicly joined the masses in hating on LeBron James with his latest Jumpman commercial. The same Michael Jordan who wouldn't speak up to help a black, Democratic, Senate candidate from North Carolina beat white racist encumbent Jesse Helms now has a voice. The same Jordan who stood by Tiger Woods for having 10+ mistresses now has an opinion on LeBron James just because he switched teams and made a commercial about public perceptions.

 Maybe it felt so good to knock Kobe that Jordan wanted to take it further by attacking LeBron. Or maybe MJ was angry that James picked on his pudgy pal Charles Barkley's addiction to donuts.

 What if Bill Russell had made a commercial in the '90s about how Jordan showed a lack of class and disrespect for the game of basketball with his rampant gambling and open disdain for Chicago Bulls' General Manager Jerry Krause? What if Coach John Wooden had made a commercial judging Jordan for cheating on his wife and how MJ's wandering johnson showed a fundamental lack of respect for himself and his wife? Fortunately, neither Russell nor Wooden would resort to a negative campaign to sell shoes or any other product.

 Michael Jordan, the player, excited the world with his dedication to the game of basketball, his brilliance on the court, and his obsession with winning. Michael Jordan, the front office guy, has been a perpetual disappointment. He drafted two of the all-time biggest busts in Kwame Brown (2001) and Adam Morrison (2006). He's overseen one team to the playoffs (last year's Bobcats) and they were bounced in a first round sweep. This year, the Bobcats have dropped off to an unimpressive 5-10 start.

 Perhaps Jordan's old nemesis Jerry Krause should make a commercial saying, "Maybe I led you to believe it was easy to draft underrated prospects like Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant. Maybe I allowed you to think that you were running the Bulls despite the fact that it was my idea to appoint Phil Jackson to his first NBA head coaching job and my idea to acquire Dennis Rodman. Maybe you don't know the first thing about putting together a championship caliber franchise. Maybe it's my fault. Or maybe you're just downplaying today's stars because you're a front office failure who players like Kobe, LeBron and Dwyane Wade have no interest in playing for."

Dwyane Wade As Agent D3: New Jumpman Ad

 Dwyane Wade adds Flash to James Bond in his latest commercial for Michael Jordan's Jumpman 23 brand. While Miami Heat teammate LeBron James' new Nike ad is serious with moments of humor, Wade's spot is all action and adventure.
 In the next episode, D3 needs to bring his girlfriend, Gabrielle Union, in to be Miss Moneypenny.

    

What I Want LeBron James To Be

 LeBron James asks a lot of questions in his latest Nike ad, "Rise". For a guy who recently made such a big decision, LeBron seems to have uncorked many more mysteries in the process. So I thought I'd offer answers and help him be a better NBA player.

 LBJ: What should I do? Should I admit that I've made mistakes?
 Mojo: Yes. It worked for Alex Rodriguez. He admitted he took steroids and boom! He became a World Series champion who no longer struggled on playoff stages. A good start would be speaking truthfully about why the Cavs never won a championship in the LeBron James era.

 LBJ: Should I tell you how much fun we (the Cavs) had?
 Mojo: Yes, tell us how much fun Cleveland was. What was it like joking around in the locker room while the Spurs were sweeping you out of the Finals in '07? And what about posing for all those faux pix while Kobe & Kevin Garnett were doing work on the way to championships? That looked like fun too. And what really happened in that Boston hotel with Delonte last year? He always seems like he's having fun to me.

 LBJ: Should I really believe I ruined my legacy?
 Mojo: Hell no. Brett Favre is ruining his legacy. Roger Clemens ruined his legacy. How can a legacy be ruined just by decisively switching teams and playing at a high level within the rules? Did Shaq ruin his legacy by signing with the Lakers? Did Steve Nash ruin his by signing with the Suns?

 LBJ: Should I have my tattoo removed?

 Mojo: Definitely not. Chris Anderson keeps raising the tattoo stakes, so now is not the time to laser ink away. A better idea would be a giant cover up of that "Chosen 1" cheese. How about something wicked like a full back piece skull? Or what about fulfilling the prophesy in the Virgosis and getting a giant Darth Vader mask tat?

 LBJ: Wanna see my shiny new shoes?

 Mojo: No. The "LeBron 8" is just as ugly as the rest of the LeBron Nikes. Kobe might be approaching Jordan status on the court, but MJ still owns all in sneakers. 

 LBJ: Should I tell you, "I am not a role model"?

 Mojo: Why would anyone follow in Charles Barkley's footsteps in any way? Why aspire to be like an underachieving bloated loser who caddies for people who abused him throughout his career? I bet jelly donuts taste better than that elbow sandwich Jordan served fat Chuck's grill.

 LBJ: Should I tell you I'm a championship chaser who did it for the money, ring? 

 Mojo: Yes! Championship chasing in Miami is much better than losing on a historically bad franchise like the Cavs with their asinine owner Dan Gilbert. 

 LBJ: Should I be who you want me to be?

 Mojo: Yes. Be a triple double averaging defensive beast who guards all 5 positions. A more athletic Magic Johnson meets a less suspended Dennis Rodman.

 LBJ: Should I accept my role as a villian?

 Mojo: Yes, but not a typical bad guy who dies in the end. We need a real villian that keeps coming back like Anton Chigurh, Jason and Freddy. Somebody whose methods tittilate some and terrify others. One thing though- real villians don't dance. So no more boogieing and rhyming during time outs.

 LBJ: Should I stop listening to my friends? 

 Mojo: Definitely keep listening to Warren Buffett. And if Oprah is a friend, listen to her too.

 LBJ: Should I try acting?

 Mojo: Try? You mean that jheri curl, spandex & headband ain't acting?

 LBJ: Should I make you laugh?

 Mojo: Yes! Start by channeling Joakim Noah and saying, "What's so good about Cleveland?" every time you beat the Cavs in their gym.

 LBJ: Should I read you a soulful poem?

 Mojo: No. Florida already has enough bad NBA wordsmiths with the poetry of J.J. Redick. A Dwight Howard styled children's album could be cool though. 

 LBJ: Should we just clear the decks and start over?

 Mojo: Well the Nets need a permanent home, a new arena and a fresh start but there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest in helping out Jay Z and Mike Prokhorov. Ruskies who "has opulence" can buy mini giraffes, but NBA talent is harder to come by. 

 LBJ: What should I do? Should I be who you want me to be?

 Mojo: If that includes a triple double in every game on the way to an Eastern Conference Semifinal playoff exit, then yes! Start off with a 30 point, 15 rebound, 10 assist loss tonight. 

Four Franchises For David Stern's Contraction Plan

 NBA commissioner David Stern said he thinks the subject of dissolving teams will be considered during the league's contract negotiations with the players' union next year. 

 "I think that's a subject that will be on the table with the players as we look to see what's the optimum way to present our game and are there cities and teams that cannot make it in the current economic environment," Stern said.

 A post on nba.com said Stern wants to reduce player costs by $700-800 million next year because the league is losing too much money. While he claims that league expansion has always been his goal, he's willing to consider contraction as a way of chiseling away at player salaries. 

 I don't think David Stern would cut off his hands to save money on gloves. He seems more like a guy who'd save nickels and dimes by cutting back on his kids' allowances and feeding his dog less. He'd rather pay the players less than have less teams to show off in the sports world. 

 Maybe the league should squash some squads to save money. Here are four teams, two in each conference, that the league might be better without.

 1. Los Angeles Clippers. Donald Sterling is the worst owner in basketball. In forty years of existence, they've never won a championship, conference title, or even a division. They were losers in Buffalo, losers in San Diego and losers through 3 different Los Angeles Laker dynasties. Contraction can commence with the Clippers. Total contract value saved: $116 million.

 2. Indiana Pacers. The Reggie Miller era Pacers were fantastic. Dale Davis, Mark Jackson, Rik Smits. Derrick McKey. And then Ron Artest and Jermaine O'Neal. But now, with Dookies Josh McRoberts and Mike Dunleavy playing with Tyler Hansbrough on Larry Bird's melaninically challenged dream team, the Pacers are a boring squad of perennial losers. 

 Indianapolis already has Peyton Manning and the Indy 500. They can afford to lose the Pacers and the NBA would be better without Klan Kapital, Indiana. Total contract value saved: $140 million.

 3. Minneapolis Timberwolves. I love the city of Minneapolis and the state of Minnesota. If they lost the T-Wolves because of contraction, I'd want them to get another team as soon as the league had more money. 

 The Timberwolves can go though. Kevin McHale's bad business with Joe Smith cost them five first round picks, crippling them from 2000-2005. Flip Saunders couldn't figure out how to win with MVP and Defensive Player of the Year Kevin Garnett. They haven't made the playoffs since 2004 and their big 2010 off-season acquisition was dud Darko Milicic thanks to the anti-savvy of their general manager David Kahn.

  Minnesota lost the original Lakers in 1960 and can survive losing the Timberwolves. Total contract value saved: $68 million.

 4. Charlotte Bobcats. I have family in Charlotte. I got nothing but love for Charlotte. Yet I wouldn't mind seeing the league fold Michael Jordan's team. In this past offseason, MJ has hated on both Kobe Bryant & LeBron James. I don't remember any other owner hating on either except for Dan Gilbert's rant against LeBron.

 MJ is turning into an old crabby hater. He got his rings as a player but can't recapture the glory as a front office exec. So he takes pot shots at young guys who threaten to eclipse some of his marks. 

 Charlotte deserves better. The NBA should dissolve the Bobcats now and come back in five years with yet another Charlotte team, this time owned by Magic Johnson. Total contract value saved: $169 million.

 With the removal of those four franchises, the NBA would save nearly $500 million in player salaries. Once the economic climate improves, Minnesota and Charlotte would be welcomed back into the league with better ownership & brighter futures. Angelenos would unite in support of their one and only real basketball team, the Lakers. And Indianapolis could become the first city to land a team in the All-American Basketball Alliance.

    

David Stern's Quest for Technical Fouls

 The NBA has announced that referees have been instructed to hand out more technical fouls for a variety of petty infractions this season. Refs have been ordered to call technicals for players making air punches anywhere on the court (Kendrick Perkins), demonstrative disagreement like raising hands or smacking his own arm to show how he was fouled (Dwight Howard), running directly at an official to complain about a call (Rasheed Wallace, Retire In Peace) and making excessive inquires about a call regardless of how calm the player is (Kobe Bryant).

 Players are also not allowed to say things like, "Come on!" to a ref. They're also no longer allowed to walk away from a ref to make their case. 

 So basically players should be docile servants to the czar and his minions of control.

 Ron Johnson, NBA senior vice president of referees, said that audience research was the motivating reason behind the crack down. He says that NBA fans don't want the fights of hockey or the childish behavior of baseball managers. 

 Who did David Stern, Ron Johnson and the rest of the top dogs in the NBA survey? Did you see a survey? Do they only survey the bluebloods in the luxury boxes? 

 Maybe the league really is strapped for cash as Stern claims and they're trying to get more fine money from moody players. Maybe Stern wants more free throws from techs to help increase scoring. Or maybe Stern and his ilk aren't comfortable seeing young black men express themselves passionately against the inconsistent calls of power hungry jackasses like Joey Crawford and Steve Javie.

 Stern tried to increase technical fouls in 2005-06 but repealed his law mid-season after complaints from players, teams, the media and most of all, the fans. Five years later, he's at it again and this time he plans to make it stick. 

 Rasheed Wallace has retired and Ron Artest is in therapy. Who's going to help Kendrick Perkins steer clear of the whistle happy refs as they compete to see who gives the most technicals? 

 In Stern's wet dream world, we'd see less passion and fire from players like MJ, KG and KB24. We'd have more players fined and suspended, even at the expense of putting the best teams and ballers on the floor during the playoffs. 

 And we'd have more players loving up on the refs like Charles kissing Dick.

    

Isiah Thomas Will Never Die

 Isiah Thomas will never die. 

 Isiah Lord Thomas III. 

 I.T. will never die.

 

 Thomas won his first major basketball championship under ogre coach Bobby Knight at Indiana University. As he accepted an award for his excellent play under Knight, Thomas publicly thanked his coach for teaching him the effectiveness of expressions like "fuck you" and "asshole." Knight laughed. Isiah survived.

 Isiah joined the Pistons in the NBA and became one of the best and most popular point guards of his era. He was the smiling pretty boy on a team of brutes & thugs like Bill Laimbeer, Dennis Rodman and Rick Mahorn. He was the leader of a thuggish rebel coup who masked the insanity of the Bad Boys with laughter.

 He used to smooch Magic Johnson at midcourt before their head to head battles. The two point guard studs hung out together, partied together and loved on each other even more than LeBron James & Chris Paul do.

 At some point, Magic turned against Isiah, but didn't let the Bad Boys' leader know. The usually friendly and charismatic Johnson eventually aired the dirt on his disdain for Thomas in a book. Magic's usually a classy guy. Somehow Isiah brought out the darkness in him. Maybe it started with this exchange of hard fouls.

 Isiah and the Bad Boys were known for rough, physical & aggressive play. Magic retaliated with his book. Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen got revenge by denying Isiah a spot on the original Dream Team. 

 Karl Malone's revenge may have been the sweetest when he delivered this vicious elbow leading to 40 stitches and plastic surgery for Thomas.

 Isiah's rep as a dirty player didn't hurt him as he moved into the front office phase of career. He became a part-owner and GM of the expansionToronto Raptors. While he was successful in drafting Rookie of the Year Damon Stoudamire and future all-stars Marcus Camby and Tracy McGrady, he left the struggling Raptors after a failed bid for increased ownership and a dispute over the team's direction.

 Unable to buy an NBA team, Thomas went for a whole league when he purchased the CBA in 1999 for $10 million. The league had been in operation since 1946 and had been acting as a successful, unofficial farm-like system for the NBA since the early '80s.

 Within 2 years of Isiah's leadership, the league was dead and bankrupt thanks to his mismanagement.

 Isiah escaped unscathed and was hired by Donnie Walsh to coach the Indiana Pacers. He coached Reggie Miller and company into the playoffs in all three of his seasons. His former on-court nemesis Larry Bird took over as president of the Pacers in 2003 and his first move was to fire Isiah. Somewhere, Magic and Michael were laughing. 

 Six months later, Isiah was named President of the Knicks. Personal turmoil with players crept up again when Stephon Marbury threatened revenge on Isiah for benching him. On the team plane, an angry Marbury told his teammates, "Isiah has to start me. I've got so much shit on Isiah and he knows it. He thinks he can fuck me. But I'll fuck him first. You have no idea what I know."

 Marbury didn't end up snitching on Isiah, who'd already cost the Knicks $11 million in a sexual harrassment case with team executive Anucha Brown Sanders. Thomas was eventually relinquished of coaching and front office duties after leading the Knicks to their worst season ever. He avoided full dismissal when Knicks' owner Jim Dolan kept him on the payroll as a scout.

 In July of 2010 after a year of coaching collage ball, Isiah returned to New York to try to help the Knicks woo LeBron. They failed with LeBron's people saying that the Knicks' presentation was poorly prepared and disorganized.

 Dolan rewarded Isiah by hiring him as a consultant in recruiting next year's top free agents like Carmelo Anthony. Knicks fans are left wondering why.

 On the mean streets of Chicago and under the fiery tutelage of Bobby Knight, Isiah survived. Despite feeling the wrath of NBA greats Michael, Magic & Larry, Isiah thrived. Franchises crumbled and leagues died while Isiah stays alive. 

 Isiah Thomas will never die.

    

Marbury Goes Back To China

 No LeBron! You did not just talk about taking your talents to no South Beach. Miami ain't shit. Ever heard of Shanxi, China? Can you even say Shanxi or do you need Chris Paul to say it for you? 

 Shanxi is where my talents dwell. Yeah they want me in Miami. LeBron will probably squash the story before it comes out, but he wanted me and he wanted a piece of my shoe company too.

 But I've already conquered the NBA. I'm the 10th highest paid player ever. I almost made more than Jordan & LeBron combined. $151 million. What's left for me to prove?

 In China, the level of respect is much higher. Not only have I signed a new contract with the Shanxi Brave Dragons, but my team will help me open 3 Starbury stores with my discount shoes in Taiyuan, the city where we play. I haven't heard about any King James Boutiques in South Beach. Have you?

 Not only that, in the last season of my three year deal, I have the option to be an assistant coach if I want. I'm the Avery Johnson meets Chuck Taylor of China.

 Maybe I should go on my own recruiting campaign. I know Shaq's a free agent and he did used to have cheap shoes too. Imagine Starbury with the Big Shaq Tzu? Yo and if we got Tracy McGrady too? Unstoppable Chinese champions!

 We'll see about that. For now, I'm gonna just play my game and my cards. I'm the biggest star selling shoes living in the biggest country in the world. If you really think about it, that makes me bigger than LeBron & Jordan again right?

    

Michael Jordan Forgot About Rodman

 Michael Jordan said he wouldn't have tried to pull a LeBron and unite with Bird or Magic because he'd rather beat them than play with them. Yet when Michael was at his peak, Bird was a bad-back shell of his dominant self. Michael only beat Magic once in the Finals before the Laker great's first retirement. 

 The Bulls' greatest nemesis and contemporary challengers were the Bad Boys of the Detroit Pistons. Isiah Thomas, who Michael banished from the Dream Team. Bill Laimbeer, the king of dirty. And 2 time Defensive Player of the Year Dennis Rodman. 

 The Bulls struggled mightily to get past the Pistons in the playoffs during the '80s. The Pistons used physical and sometimes dirty tactics to knock the Bulls off balance and keep them out of rhythm. Dennis Rodman once launched Scottie Pippen into the stands giving him 6 stitches in his chin. When Chicago finally beat the Pistons, the Bad Boys left the court without congratulating them. No love. Isiah, Laimbeer & Rodman were all unliked undesirables to the Chicago Bulls.

 

 While the Bulls were winning their first 3 championships with Jordan, Pippen and Horace Grant, Dennis Rodman became the most dominant rebounder in basketball. He'd led the league in boards for 4 straight seasons, including 2 years with the Spurs while Jordan bailed on the Bulls and basketball to take his talents to the Birmingham Barons of baseball.

 When Jordan finally returned to the Bulls, they were sorely lacking paint presence due to Horace Grant's departure for Orlando. With MJ's approval, coach Phil Jackson and general manager Jerry Krauss arranged a trade for Rodman. The key was getting Pippen's approval since Scottie still wore a scar on his chin from Rodman's dirty work. Scottie went right along with the plan, trying to get another ring. 

 One of the main guys that Michael & Scottie had poured sweat and blood to beat was welcomed as a member of the Bulls. The Big 3 of the mid 90s. 

 Admittedly, the circumstances with LeBron, Wade & Bosh are different from Michael, Scottie and Dennis. Yet it still rings hollow to have past greats claiming that they'd never have done what today's players are doing when in some ways, they made or encouraged similar moves to unite with other dominant rivals in order to facilitate getting rings.

 Michael Jordan never won a ring without a dominant power forward. He never even won a playoff series without a strong paint beast like Charles Oakley, Grant or Rodman. MJ was most definitely one of the all-time greats, but he needed help as much as LeBron does. 

 LeBron's move to Miami is cheesy and calculated. But it's really just a player putting himself in a front office mentality to help make a better team. If Jordan wouldn't have had the hated Crumbs Krauss doing  front office dirty work to get the likes of former foe Rodman in Chicago, he may have been forced to do the same.