How LeBron James Can Save Face

 LeBron James had a chance to be the dude everybody loved. Instead he chose to go play with the Miami Heat featuring Dwyane Wade and some sucker name Bitch Posh. It's not so bad that he chose to switch teams. It's how he did it, trying to be cute on smug, braincell killing interviews with Larry King and Jim Gray.

 Between his sideline boogie, indulgent commercials and grabs for off-court media attention, it has seemed like LeBron will do anything to be noticed and liked. Anything except the one thing we all want to see him do. 

 What should LeBron James do to save face and slow the hate? Participate in this year's slam dunk contest. 

 

 LeBron is one of the most outstanding dunkers in NBA history. His combination of size and power lead to rim rocking climaxes with more consistent fury than anyone before him. Yet he continues to shrink away from the biggest stage for all dunkers - the Slam Dunk contest. 

 During the off-season of 2009, he said he'd definitely be in the contest at All-Star break 2010. Instead he dipped his toes in the pool and skipped away like a timid, squealing 8 year old weakling. We were left with Nate Robinson claiming his third title in a forgettable night of dunks.

 Now is the time for LeBron to give back to the game which has made him a mega-millionaire by giving the fans what they want. Except it can't just be any slam dunk contest with guys like Birdman and Andre Iguodala. It's gotta be on some next level, everybody gotta watch, remember this night forever type competition.

 LeBron should challenge Blake Griffin, Dwight Howard and Nate Robinson to a showdown in this year's Slam Dunk contest at Kobe's gym, the Staples Center.

 Blake Griffin has been annihilating rims throughout his first month in the NBA. He dunks on people with zero remorse. He goes open court with it like a bigger, badder LeBron. And he always seems dazed afterward, like he's zoned out on dunk adrenaline. The rookie has crashed into the league with a vengeance. Who better to humble a wannabe king than Griffin? Or who better for a wannabe king to humble than a young buck like Blake?

 And then there's Superman himself, Dwight Howard. We know LeBron won't be getting an MVP award this year. Deep down, Dwight must want it to be his year. What better way to chip away at the reigning MVP than to knock him down at the Slam Dunk contest? As for LeBron, beating Howard would give him a win over the last truly stunning dunker in the contest. Dwight's Superman Slam put him in the stratosphere with Michael Jordan and Vince Carter. If LeBron can outdo Superman, how could we not start to forgive him for "The Decision"?

 

 Nate Robinson is the reigning champ and has won more Slam Dunk contests than any other player in NBA history. For LeBron to truly claim the crown, he must dethrone the champ. If Nate can beat Blake Griffin, Dwight Howard and LeBron James, he would be more than a novelty who won despite some suspect performances. He'd be the little guy who is the average man's hero. At 5'9", it's easier for us to want to be like Nate than giants like LeBron, Blake and Dwight. Nate's challenge is to be the all-time NBA David among the league's most powerful dunking Goliaths.

 Commissioner David Stern likes to throw wrinkles into the Slam Dunk contest - like guys have to do dunks based on past contest dunks or guys have to catch passes from teammates. This year, he should make it simple. Let's pay tribute to the greatest dunker of the late 90s, the last great leaping 2-guard. Vince Carter. Every dunker in this year's Slam Dunk contest has to do one of the dunks Vince Carter did when he won the dunk crown in 2000. 

 The judges - Kobe (Staples Center host), Vince Carter (of course), Michael Jordan (so he can hate on everyone and get booed for it), Dikembe Mutombo (just because he's mad cool and makes bugged out faces off good dunks) and Kenny Smith (TNT factor). 

 Let's make it happen. Start petitions. Tell your friends. Hit LeBron, Blake, Dwight and Nate up on twitter. We want to *witness* the Super Slam Dunk Contest of all time! Blake Griffin. Dwight Howard. Nate Robinson. LeBron James.

 

Nate Robinson Does Suicides In Shaq's Shoes

 Nate Robinson teamed with Glen Davis aka Big Baby aka Shrek aka "Kid KOed" to give us funny memories off the Celtics bench in the playoffs last year. 

 Now Nate has Shaq aka the Big Chowder aka the Big Leprachaun aka Spawn of  Green Monstah to make jokes with in Boston.

 The Celtics might be the funniest team in the NBA this year.

 RIP Rasheed!

    

Delonte West Is Back In Boston

 Delonte Wild West is going back to the Boston Celtics. After a rocky offseason that had allegations of sleeping with LeBron's mom in a Boston hotel & a guilty plea to weapon's possession, West now moves onward & upward with the Celtics.

 Delonte started his NBA career in Boston. He posted career bests in points (11.8 ppg) and assists (4.6 apg) in his second year there. He was dealt with Jeff Green and Wally Szczerbiak to Seattle for Ray Allen and Glen Davis in 2007. 

 General Manager Danny Ainge said, "He was one of the toughest guys for me to trade. I'd do it again, of course, but we really liked Delonte when he was here. He wasn't perfect but we still liked the player."

 West will battle Von Wafer to be Allen's backup. West may also sub for PG Rajon Rondo. 

 Wafer was waived by his Euroleague team last year. He returned to the NBA and completed a 10 day contract with the Mavs without playing a single minute. 

 With West's playoff experience, decent midrange game and toughness, he should get good minutes running with Nate Robinson, Big Baby Davis and whichever O'Neal comes off the bench between Shaquille and Jermaine. As an added bonus, with Shaq, Big Baby, Kryptonate, Kevin Garnett & now Delonte, the Celtics are packed with wild personalities. Sheed will be missed, but this will be a fun bunch in Beantown. 

 Somebody better have Delonte's chowder and Delonte better stay out of Shaq's mom's hotel room.

 

   

 

Celtics Lakers Game 6 con Mojo

Kobe: Queensbitch, Gasoft & One Leg Bynum ain't hittin' nobody out here so I guess I gotta score all the points and put the hammer on punk ass Pierce.

Pierce: Yo you just gone drop me all up in the scuff marks my dude? My wheelchair can't roll thru the all the cracks.

Kobe: I gotta remember everything now? Why should I care where it's good for you to fall, Wheelchair Boy?

KG: Cuz black giant Leprechauns kill mambas! Now watch where I show you to put Paul next time.

Kobe: Yuck! I'd rather be in a Colorado courtroom than sit with Celtic fans.

Pierce: Oh yes, thanks Kobe. This is more like it. With the right soft landing on her, I won't even need a wheelchair. I gotta remember to thank KG for this.

KG: Don't even worry about it PP. I got you.

Pierce: Ugh, uncomfortable. That ain't what I had in mind KG.

KG: Yo little man, lemme try this new kung fu on you real quick.

Allen: Yo you aight man?

Rondo: Yeah it wasn't as bad as Big Baby droolin' all over everybody.

KG: Yo Rondo. See, that shit worked right?

Odom: What the f-? Yo, this ain't hump ball. It's jump ball!

Morrison: Yeah Lamar! Thanks dude!! I need all the help I can get to get me another ring.

"Can a donkey get a table dance?"

Wade: How many rings do I have, son?

Kid: One, Dad.

Wade: And how many does LeBron have?

Kid: None, Dad.

Wade: Who should Larry King have interviewed?

Kid: You, Dad.

Wade: Exactly. 

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Boston's Big Drooling Baby & KryptoNate

Heart transplant brings Pierce back to life.

Little Nate & Big Baby step up to take a load off Pierce.

Nate backs down to no one, not even Ron Ron & Black Mamba.

He gives his body up with no fear,

and maintains the intensity of an NFL special teams player

while Big Baby drools in celebration of his own outstanding hustle plays.

In game 4, coach Doc Rivers rode the successful play of his bench until deep in the 4th quarter.

Big Baby had 18 points, 5 boards & 2 steals in 22 minutes.

Nate had 12 points, 2 assists & a steal in 16 minutes.

Both played like all-stars and got extra minutes in the 4th because of their outstanding play.

Quotes from Baby on Game 4:

This is what legends are made of. This is where you grasp the moment. Just play in the moment."

"All I'm thinking about is, 'Let's win.' I'm not thinking about anything else. I'm just worried about winning, whatever it takes to win, and just making sure that I give my teammates positive energy to finish out the game."

"I felt like a beast."

Big Baby, Big Beast.

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Kryptonate Slays Superman Again

Nate Robinson.

KryptoNate.

Dwight Howard Destroyer.

Magic Killer.

13 points in 13 minutes. 2 assists , 1 steal, 0 turnovers.

Nate made Celtics general manager Danny Ainge look like a genius by giving up Eddie House for him. Selfish? Bad teammate? Not Nate in Boston. Took him a minute to gel, now he's a 5'9" double x-factor on one of the deepest teams in the league. 

Doc Rivers was a great point guard as a player, so he knows how coach point guards. He's helped Rondo develop into one of the best point guards in the NBA. And now he's got wild card Nate Robinson fitting in with a system that produces championship caliber basketball.

Nate attacked the Magic so viciously that Jameer Nelson put a flagrant hit on him. Didn't work. He put 5 more points on the Magic after that.

Nate's performance was a sign of a good night for Boston in game 6. So good that when Paul Pierce hit the floor, he laughed instead of faking a life threatening injury.

The Celtics are in the finals. Again.

Who would've thought Nate Robinson would have helped get them there?

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Tragic Magic: The Pros & Cons Of Orlando's Roster

Vince Carter - First time Conference Finalist. When his play was decent against Boston, Orlando lost anyway. When he played poorly, the team won. 

He's helpless on defense and clutchless on offense, and yet he's due $17.3 million next season. It's the last year of his contract, so maybe a team will trade for him halfway through the season as a roster/ salary cap move.  

I didn't think he would make the Magic the best team in the league, but I thought he was better than Hedo Turkoglu, who he basically replaced. The reality is that Carter was a step back from Orlando's roster with Turkoglu*. Vince proved me wrong.

Carter's defining career moment happened when he played on Spawn of Dream Team. He jumped over Frenchman Frederic Weis on a dunk that scared France's Weis from following through on his plans to play in the NBA. Not a Lithuanian, Russian or even Argentinian or Spaniard. A Frenchman. 

On his biggest real basketball stage against NBA champs like the Celtics, Carter missed clutch free throws, he had back to back 1-9 and 3-10 nights from the floor, and his defense was weak throughout. 

Half-man Half-Amazing is now Half-Inconsistent Half-Inefficient.

White Chocolate. This season, Jason Williams gave the Magic a boost from the erratic existence of Rafer Alston. He's the only Magic player who has an NBA ring. He's still got a nice jump shot and still has handles. 

Damn if he didn't look old on that hustle play by Rondo. At least he bounced right back after the game with this gem in the locker room. 

Williams is a free agent. Last year he made $1.3 million, tied for lowest on the Magic with never used reserve Adonal Foyle. Somebody will definitely pay more for partially aged White Chocolate. Orlando will likely let 3rd string vet Anthony Johnson go. They should pay Williams more and get a dirt cheap 3rd stringer. 

Matt Barnes. The best Kobe Stopper in the NBA right now. He can opt out of his $1.6 million contract this off-season. 

Barnes is a 30 year old defensive specialist. He's ready to enter the Bruce Bowen years of his career by finding that solid team that'll give him a multi-year deal and security in exchange for endless hustle and mayhem night after night. With Dwight Howard dominating the paint on defense, the Magic would do well to bring Barnes back to patrol the perimeter.

Dwight Howard. He's not superman, but he is the best center in the NBA. That's not saying that much considering that Shaq is a shell and Yao will be lucky to play 25 minutes a night for the rest of his career. Even so, Howard is the driving force for the Magic because of his dominant defense. 

The Magic need to do everything possible to assemble a team that exploits the defensive greatness of Dwight Howard. His powerful physical presence and borderline dirty play in the paint will take them further than relying on scoring from Rashard Lewis and Vince Carter. 

The main mistake Orlando should avoid this off-season is overpaying J.J. Redick. He played well at times against the Celtics, but he also made the bone headed play of the series in crunch time of game 2 by forgetting to call time out before advancing the ball. 

Redick is a quality guy off the bench, but that's about it. Besides, he's a Dukee and the only recent NBA ring any of Coach K's drones have won is Danny Ferry, master 12th man for the Spurs in 2003.

If Redick wants to break some team's bank, let him go with the cursed Clippers.

.

The Magic took a step back this season. But at least Dwight has another way to remember Nate besides this view.

    

*Thanx CJD02