What I Want LeBron James To Be

 LeBron James asks a lot of questions in his latest Nike ad, "Rise". For a guy who recently made such a big decision, LeBron seems to have uncorked many more mysteries in the process. So I thought I'd offer answers and help him be a better NBA player.

 LBJ: What should I do? Should I admit that I've made mistakes?
 Mojo: Yes. It worked for Alex Rodriguez. He admitted he took steroids and boom! He became a World Series champion who no longer struggled on playoff stages. A good start would be speaking truthfully about why the Cavs never won a championship in the LeBron James era.

 LBJ: Should I tell you how much fun we (the Cavs) had?
 Mojo: Yes, tell us how much fun Cleveland was. What was it like joking around in the locker room while the Spurs were sweeping you out of the Finals in '07? And what about posing for all those faux pix while Kobe & Kevin Garnett were doing work on the way to championships? That looked like fun too. And what really happened in that Boston hotel with Delonte last year? He always seems like he's having fun to me.

 LBJ: Should I really believe I ruined my legacy?
 Mojo: Hell no. Brett Favre is ruining his legacy. Roger Clemens ruined his legacy. How can a legacy be ruined just by decisively switching teams and playing at a high level within the rules? Did Shaq ruin his legacy by signing with the Lakers? Did Steve Nash ruin his by signing with the Suns?

 LBJ: Should I have my tattoo removed?

 Mojo: Definitely not. Chris Anderson keeps raising the tattoo stakes, so now is not the time to laser ink away. A better idea would be a giant cover up of that "Chosen 1" cheese. How about something wicked like a full back piece skull? Or what about fulfilling the prophesy in the Virgosis and getting a giant Darth Vader mask tat?

 LBJ: Wanna see my shiny new shoes?

 Mojo: No. The "LeBron 8" is just as ugly as the rest of the LeBron Nikes. Kobe might be approaching Jordan status on the court, but MJ still owns all in sneakers. 

 LBJ: Should I tell you, "I am not a role model"?

 Mojo: Why would anyone follow in Charles Barkley's footsteps in any way? Why aspire to be like an underachieving bloated loser who caddies for people who abused him throughout his career? I bet jelly donuts taste better than that elbow sandwich Jordan served fat Chuck's grill.

 LBJ: Should I tell you I'm a championship chaser who did it for the money, ring? 

 Mojo: Yes! Championship chasing in Miami is much better than losing on a historically bad franchise like the Cavs with their asinine owner Dan Gilbert. 

 LBJ: Should I be who you want me to be?

 Mojo: Yes. Be a triple double averaging defensive beast who guards all 5 positions. A more athletic Magic Johnson meets a less suspended Dennis Rodman.

 LBJ: Should I accept my role as a villian?

 Mojo: Yes, but not a typical bad guy who dies in the end. We need a real villian that keeps coming back like Anton Chigurh, Jason and Freddy. Somebody whose methods tittilate some and terrify others. One thing though- real villians don't dance. So no more boogieing and rhyming during time outs.

 LBJ: Should I stop listening to my friends? 

 Mojo: Definitely keep listening to Warren Buffett. And if Oprah is a friend, listen to her too.

 LBJ: Should I try acting?

 Mojo: Try? You mean that jheri curl, spandex & headband ain't acting?

 LBJ: Should I make you laugh?

 Mojo: Yes! Start by channeling Joakim Noah and saying, "What's so good about Cleveland?" every time you beat the Cavs in their gym.

 LBJ: Should I read you a soulful poem?

 Mojo: No. Florida already has enough bad NBA wordsmiths with the poetry of J.J. Redick. A Dwight Howard styled children's album could be cool though. 

 LBJ: Should we just clear the decks and start over?

 Mojo: Well the Nets need a permanent home, a new arena and a fresh start but there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest in helping out Jay Z and Mike Prokhorov. Ruskies who "has opulence" can buy mini giraffes, but NBA talent is harder to come by. 

 LBJ: What should I do? Should I be who you want me to be?

 Mojo: If that includes a triple double in every game on the way to an Eastern Conference Semifinal playoff exit, then yes! Start off with a 30 point, 15 rebound, 10 assist loss tonight. 

David Stern's Quest for Technical Fouls

 The NBA has announced that referees have been instructed to hand out more technical fouls for a variety of petty infractions this season. Refs have been ordered to call technicals for players making air punches anywhere on the court (Kendrick Perkins), demonstrative disagreement like raising hands or smacking his own arm to show how he was fouled (Dwight Howard), running directly at an official to complain about a call (Rasheed Wallace, Retire In Peace) and making excessive inquires about a call regardless of how calm the player is (Kobe Bryant).

 Players are also not allowed to say things like, "Come on!" to a ref. They're also no longer allowed to walk away from a ref to make their case. 

 So basically players should be docile servants to the czar and his minions of control.

 Ron Johnson, NBA senior vice president of referees, said that audience research was the motivating reason behind the crack down. He says that NBA fans don't want the fights of hockey or the childish behavior of baseball managers. 

 Who did David Stern, Ron Johnson and the rest of the top dogs in the NBA survey? Did you see a survey? Do they only survey the bluebloods in the luxury boxes? 

 Maybe the league really is strapped for cash as Stern claims and they're trying to get more fine money from moody players. Maybe Stern wants more free throws from techs to help increase scoring. Or maybe Stern and his ilk aren't comfortable seeing young black men express themselves passionately against the inconsistent calls of power hungry jackasses like Joey Crawford and Steve Javie.

 Stern tried to increase technical fouls in 2005-06 but repealed his law mid-season after complaints from players, teams, the media and most of all, the fans. Five years later, he's at it again and this time he plans to make it stick. 

 Rasheed Wallace has retired and Ron Artest is in therapy. Who's going to help Kendrick Perkins steer clear of the whistle happy refs as they compete to see who gives the most technicals? 

 In Stern's wet dream world, we'd see less passion and fire from players like MJ, KG and KB24. We'd have more players fined and suspended, even at the expense of putting the best teams and ballers on the floor during the playoffs. 

 And we'd have more players loving up on the refs like Charles kissing Dick.

    

Tyreke Evans whiffs in golf - video

 Tyreke Evans showed skills while driving 130 mph down a California highway, but his driving skills on the golf course are severely lacking. Check him out at the Catta Verdera Country Club for the Bobby Jackson Foundation Celebrity Golf Tournament on August 16.

 Has Charles Barkley been dethroned as worst golfer in NBA history? At least he makes contact with the ball.

 Who do you think has the ugliest NBA golf swing,  Tyreke Evans or Charles Barkley?

 Follow Mojo on Twitter at @MojoHoops.

    

Charles Barkley, LeBron's latest hater

 Everybody hates LeBron, infinity. Chris Bosh gets a pass for some reason, but people can't stop hating on LeBron. It's starting to be like one of those big Friday night bar fights that spills out into the streets. One dude starts getting the worst of it, but he keeps on fighting back until he goes down for good. And then there's that one gutless jackass who steps out from the crowd to kick the fallen fighter in his defenseless face.

  Charles Barkley is the cowardly punk kicking LeBron. 

  Barkley said, "(LeBron) is a two time defending MVP. He doesn't leave his city. (Players) come to him. If I'm the man, I'm not going to go anywhere else. They got to come to me. He's going to Dwyane Wade's team any way you slice it."

 So I guess when Barkley demanded to be traded from the Sixers, he ended up on Kevin Johnson's Phoenix Suns. And when he was traded to Houston it was Hakeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler's team since they already had rings. 

 Barkley would have gone to play with Jordan's Bulls in a heart beat if Phil Jackson, Jerry Krause and Michael Jordan thought he would've helped them get rings. The Bulls wisely chose Dennis Rodman instead. Scottie Pippen later suggested that Jordan saw Barkley as a fat, lazy loser whose lack of hard work & discipline kept him from being a champion.

 It's unlikely that the Cavs would've traded LeBron anytime in the next few years of his prime. The 76ers and Suns both found Barkley to be expendable. Barkley forced trades which is more of a bitch move than a free agent choosing to play for another city. 

 Barkley thinks LeBron's disco pep rally was punkish. The guy who spat on a little girl at courtside is calling out punks. Right.

 We need Gary Payton to speak up on LeBron's behalf. Payton was the Man in Seattle. Even with Shawn Kemp's greatness in the mix, the Sonics were Gary's team. That didn't stop him from eventually going to the Lakers and then to the Heat, basically following Shaq around until he got a ring off of him. I don't think Gary gives a damn about his legacy compared to the joy he feels when looking back on the night when they beat the Mavs for the title, even if he did have a generally crappy series backing up White Chocolate, Jason Williams. 

 The way LeBron left Cleveland was tacky and classless. Yet going to Miami was the smartest basketball move for him and for Bosh. If Barkley and MJ don't recognize that, neither will find much success in their front office endeavors (like loudmouth Barkley will ever fulfill his GM dreams).

 If Barkley wants to put somebody down, he should put down the donuts, stop driving drunk, and let go of the hate before he has a heart attack and spits blood on LeBron's kids. 

 

    

  

Rodman Review: The Pistons Era.

 

 This August, while the NBA slows to a crawl, Mojo Hoops looks back at the peaks of Dennis Rodman's brilliant NBA career. If anyone epitomizes the hustle, defense & originality of a Mojo Hoops type player, Rodman is that baller. Each piece will focus on a different stage of Rodman's unusual NBA journey and beyond. First up, the Pistons years. 

 ESPN's Classic Sports channel recently aired a game from March 4, 1992 where 6'7" Dennis Rodman, the Worm, grabbed 34 rebounds against the Indiana Pacers. He set a team record for the Pistons and no NBA player has rebounded 34 or more in a game since. 

 Check out this edited version of the game featured on Gremlin's Youtube channel.

 When Rodman learned that he broke the Pistons' team record held by Bob Lanier, he cried and said, "I have just been in the right place at the right time. I got emotional because when you work so hard to accomplish something, it is a great feeling when it finally pays off."

 The Pacers only managed 38 rebounds as a team and lost 110-107 in OT. Their coach Bob Hill said, "Rebounding took its toll. We didn't keep them off the boards, but Rodman's a freak of nature. He keeps coming and coming, like Joe Frazier when he fought Ali."

 1992 was Rodman's breakout year as one of the greatest rebounders in NBA history. He grabbed a career high 18.7 rpg and led the league in rebounding for the first of 7 straight years. In the last 35 years, the closest any other player has come to that average is Ben Wallace's 15.4 in 2003, over three fewer fewer boards per game.

 Rodman was a two time champ with the Pistons. He had already won Defensive Player of the Year twice before taking over as the best rebounder of his era. A strong on-ball defender, the Worm mastered mind games early in his career, slithering into the psyche of opponents who were distracted by his menacing techniques.

 Watch this clip from November 30, 1990 where Rodman riles Barkley into an elbow and an ejection in crunch time. 

He even made the free throws.  

 Rodman was a freak in Detroit with his short-shorts and writings in his hair. He'd already developed high-kicking rebounding techniques and a rep for being dirty as one of the Bad Boys on the Pistons. But he still seemed like a pretty regular dude overall. 

 That version of Dennis Rodman died in 1993 while Rodman slept in his truck with a loaded shotgun on his lap after contemplating suicide. In his book Bad As I Wanna Be, Rodman wrote, "I decided that instead (of killing myself) I was gonna kill the impostor that was leading Dennis Rodman to a place he didn't want to go.... So I just said, 'I'm going to live my life the way I want to live it and be happy doing it. I killed the person I didn't want to be.'"

 On October 1, 1993, the Pistons traded the new Dennis to the Spurs. The next Rodman Review will feature the Worm's adventures with the Admiral and the Deacon in San Antonio.

    

Playoffs Fever: Cursing On TV Edition

Charles Barkley started us off late night last night, playfully lashing out at his co-hosts on the half time show for his reluctance in choosing between blonds & brunettes.

This morning, Lawrence Frank took the baton and ran it to hell, turning ESPN2's studio into a locker room style curse fest.