Monday, December 27, 2010

Washington Wizards Fight Club All-Stars

 The recent fight between Andray Blatche and JaVale McGee is the fourth altercation between Washington Wizard teammates in the short history of the team formerly known as the Baltimore Bullets. A franchise that distanced itself from violent imagery seems drawn to combative players.
 I've put together a list of my starting five Wizards based on the best pick in each altercation. Since no worthy small forwards have fought in the Wizards organization, I had to use a little creative license to fill that roster spot.
 At center, Brendan Haywood. The ex-Wizards big man fought poetic teammate Etan Thomas. Twice. Haywood reportedly body slammed Thomas to the ground at the Verizon Center after Thomas took a swing at him. Haywood also ripped out two of Thomas' dreadlocks (extension, I hope, for Etan's scalp's sake). For the sheer brutality and mayhem, Haywood gets the edge as our center.
 Andray Blatche gets the nod at power forward. Who knows what really happened at the club last week when Blatche fought Ja'Vale McGee. But Blatche issued an apology while McGee has remained silent. I take that as admission that Blatche probably started and finished the action. So Blatche is our pick. Plus, he might bring blondie to the post-game festivities. Win-win for us.
 At point guard, the 6'3" legend Rod Strickland. His 6'7" teammate Tracy Murray was allegedly recorded on a phone call speculating to their mutual female friend that Strickland was gay. Strickland heard the tape and took action. He went to Murray's Charlotte hotel room hours before game time and knocked on the door. When Murray answered, Strickland cold cocked him, blackened his eye and gave him 7 stitches as a reminder to keep his mouth shut. By taking decisive action and going Pacquiao on a four inch taller foe, Strickland shows the tenacity and savvy to be the starting point guard on the Wizards Fight Club All Stars.
 At shooting guard, our man is gun toting, pistol joking Agent Zero, Gilbert Arenas. He's not really a fighting type guy. He's not even really that tough or mean. But he joked around with guns and then poked fun at cops and NBA commissioner David Stern for not laughing along. If that ain't the ringleader for a fight club, I don't know who is. If you're going to have some be a "shooting" guard, he may as well pack a gat.
 Small forward is tricky to fill because the only real candidate in any of these Wizard on Wizard altercations is Tracy Murray and he clearly can't fight since he let a man four inches smaller bruise and bloody him with no retaliation. So my pick is current Wizard 6'7" Josh Howard.
 When 7'0 giant Brad Miller violently knocked down Howard's teammate, 6'3" Devin Harris, Howard ran across the court and exacted revenge on the much bigger foe. He also dared outrage a nation of red state patriots by refusing to "celebrate" the Star Spangled Banner. Howard is rough and ready for the Washington Wizards Fight Club All-Stars.
 Who's got next in D.C.? Will Yi Jianlian blindside newcomer Rashard Lewis? Is John Wall gonna have to choke a Hinrich?

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