Being Craig Sager

 Last night I dreamt I was Craig Sager at All-Star weekend, And it was actually really cool. You'd think it would just be Kevin Garnett busting on my clothes and drunk Charles Barkley talking shit about me with donuts & beer flying out his mouth. There was that, but there was so much more.

 First of all, the players really liked me because I never wear blue blazers and khakis looking like a tool for the man. Some players can really dress and some have distinctive taste. A special few have both. Dwyane Wade is one of those guys and he loved me. I complimented his facial band-aid and when I used the mic to show him where I wear my band-aids, he just about lost it. He laughed and said, "You crazy, Craig." Melo, Shaq, all those dudes called me that. Crazy Craig.

 Since those top tier guys all dug me, the young guys practically worshipped me. Have you ever seen DeJuan Blair so happy? He couldn't even believe he was talking to me. All giggling and everything. He was asking me where the best after-party was gonna be and if I was changing outfits before the party. I started to tell him, but I had to go catch up with my wife...

...who is bangin'! She's an ex-Luvabull, as in Chicago Bulls dancer. She was there during the Michael Jordan years. And check this out- I'm in my 60s and she's in her 30s. Straight up. I was living the dream, being Craig Sager.

We went to Shaq's private party and I was voted best dressed AND best dancer. Wifey was loving it. She gently tugged my hair piece and pulled me close. "Wait til I get you home Crazy Craigy," she whispered into my ear.  She pulled my chin towards hers and moved in for the kiss.

Just before our lips met, she morphed into John McCain. Ain't that a bitch?! I woke up so fast and then tried to go right back to sleep to get back to wifey but it didn't work. No more Sager, no more wifey, and thank God no more McCain.

It was fun while it lasted.